Statutory Warning: This article is bat-shit crazy and blunt as hell (after a long time am pissed off enough to write one!), and contains sexual references. Viewer discretion is advised. If you’re a teenager / young adult then you’re probably going to want to read this even more now, so by all means proceed.
Note: Apologies for not explicitly including third genders in this article. I simply do not have any werewithall to handle it. And this is a crazy article anyways. Please adjust and do internal find+replace.
This is addressed to women of my generation, and the ones following. And specially to the female teenagers who officially aren’t supposed to be reading this, but what the heck, better catch them early.
Ladies, I want you to do one experiment. Take a paper (has it ever struck you why does everybody always ask for a piece of paper as if it’s cake?). If you’d call yourself more experienced in matters of love, take a big/long paper.
Make two columns with the headers : X guys, Y guys (after some thoughts, removed other words that may have biased the experiment. Initially. :P)
By “X” I mean... Men you have met whom you could rely on, trust safely, talk to as a friend, share what’s in your heart and know that he won’t judge you or use it against you. Who are in general nice to you and nice to others and have an ability to think and care about others.
You must be recalling some names already.. Oh, wait, one more criterion. You need to have slept with them (as in: you have had sex with this kind of person) at least once. Relationship or not? Not really a concern for the purposes of this experiment. Note: it’s possible that the last filter ended up giving you a zero result. That’s ok.. it's part of the experiment. Proceed.
Next, the Y Guys. I’ll keep this simple. Everyone whom you’ve slept with who couldn’t make it to the X guys list. For whatever reason. And I’m not even going into personal likes/dislikes etc here. You keep that to yourself. Just follow the experiment’s parameters as given above.
Be honest with this, ok? This is a personal experiment.. I don’t want you to share this with me or anyone. It’s only for you. If you try to fudge things here, you’ll only be misleading yourself.
So let’s make the list. Come back to this when done.
Ok, so now for the counting. What are the counts of both columns?
If I’m understanding our world right, I believe that the Y guys column will have a higher count than the X guys column. If your case is the opposite, you know that you’re a rare one. And now forget the numbers and get rid of this paper, only remember that Y > X and remember what X stood for.
So let’s think about this. Now I know that there are as many explanations as there were names on that list, each one being a completely valid one. No objections to that.
But let’s take a step back from individual case histories and look at these counts statistically and do a (cringe!) outcomes assessment. Consider the possibility that most women like yourself have a similar Y>X outcome. And so if one ever compiled these results together across a broad sample, the outcome will remain Y>X. Now see this from the perspective of the men.
Whatever the intermediate thoughts, feelings, opinions etc, we have created a world where Y>X. Where guys who are guys that you can put your trust in, simply don’t get (here it comes) laid as often as the Y guys.
I’ll go cross-disciplinary here. I firmly believe that there is not a 100% separation between people’s personal and worldly lives. If you feel that the two are absolutely distinct, then this article has no meaning for you. But if you agree with me, then read along.
With that in mind, would you prefer it if there were more X guys in this world than Y guys? Would you want to spend your ageing years with an X guy or a Y guy, or my-my, alone? My guess is you would prefer it if there were more X guys than Y guys in this world. While not all Y guys are necessarily causing problems in this world, I see the same views towards entire communities and countries that some typical Y guys have towards women. I can’t help but notice that there is a connection. Those that are causing problems, are by my estimate more likely to be Y guys than X guys. But that’s a question for another experiment.
I’m still not sure what position sex holds in the esteem rankings for women, but I can tell you for sure that for men, sex is extremely important.
If a trend is established (and news flash, it already is) that the Y guys have a much higher chance of getting to have sex than the X guys, that forms a direct influencing factor for any young man when during the course of his life he has to decide between being an X guy or a Y guy.
And in case you’re thinking that when you get older you’ll settle with an X guy, I’d like to inform you that with the kind of pressure set up, there are very little chances many of them will remain as X guys till that time. Most will convert to Y... believe me, if you were in their place, so would you.
I can tell you about the odds stacked against the X guy. Y guys are given the “neutrality” card to do whatever they want, but X guys will get over-judged at every step. X guys are first to get boxed into the friend zone. (when you were making your list, how many guys did you think of and then have to filter out?). Of course, there’s also the positive side that when a woman does end up notching an X guy, she stays with him, she doesn’t move on to another guy any time soon. Whereas in the same time period another woman may have to work her way through several Y guys while complaining about them to the friend-zoned X guy in her life.
But in any case, we have a final outcome now of there being more Y guys in our world than X guys, I keep on hearing all kinds of women complain about the scarcity they’re facing, and I believe at least one strong influencing factor behind all this is that especially in the young adult years, X guys are simply not getting as much sex as the Y guys, for simple practical needs they’re converting over to the dark side and X numbers are on the decline.
So Ladies, I have an Impossible Mission for you, should you choose to accept it.
I don’t know what roundabout ways the thinking, the preferences etc flows on your end. But as an experiment, for any time period of your choosing, try to bang more X guys, and more often, than Y guys.
Tips & Tricks :
Want to avoid "complicating things" with the X guys you've already friend-zoned?
>> I'll offer you a simple a solution : X-guy exchange : pair with a female friend, and bang each other's X guys. There, it's with a stranger so no "complication" and you can feel adventurous, and you've fulfilled the terms of the experiment. All sides happy!
Side critique : "I want to avoid complicating things, so I'm going to keep a man whom I value highly and who cares for me, deprived, while freely giving the gift of sexual intercourse whenever I get in the mood or whenever they pester me long enough, to other men crossing my path whom I don't even know well enough or value highly at all. Because I am totally in control of my life, my body is my temple, I have high standards and I love myself." -- Great thinking, Genius.
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Addendum: Answering some Frequently Expressed Reservations:
1. "I really don't want to lose him as my friend..."
Stop fretting about not wanting to lose such a nice friend. Don’t worry, you won’t lose him as a friend.. he’s an X guy, remember? And for God’s sake don’t say you don’t want to get intimate with him because you don’t want to break his heart later. That’s the most warped logic I’ve come across. Why? Elementary, my dear Watson, for the simple reason that he’s going to be even more heart-broken if you friend-zone him!
“Oh, I don’t want to break your heart so I’ll slowly bleed it to death instead”. That is soo short-sighted. Don’t worry. He’ll handle it, things may get awkward for sometime (and if you feel more troubled on your end, then seriously ask yourself, what if I also want him as more than a friend?) but you'll get back to your friendship again. Better banged once and politely let go (which you can do safely with an X guy) than never banged at all.
2. "I don't think I can handle a full fledged relationship at this point in my life..."
Helloo-o? Haven't I already made it clear that this article isn't asking anything like from you? Come again, you're worried about what the X guy will want?
Ok, ladies, here's a little secret :
Every X guy you know is fully capable of being a Y guy for just a night. (But not the other way around. Because X is the source state and Y is a derivation. It's mathematical.. just take it and go along, ok) After all, how do you think men manage to weave together fantasies and masturbate?? (and another news flash : masturbation is probably the one thing X guys do more often than Y guys. Again, simple maths. Not getting laid? Masturbate. Guy's gotta live, dude.) He gets into the whole relationship angle by the time he plucks the courage to approach you, not just because it holds the promise of a wonderful life ahead (who wouldn't want a combo package of close friend and lover?), but also because
he has assumed that's what you want as a compulsory precondition to having sex. He is attracted to you emotionally, intellectually and all, yes, fine, but physically as well, don't forget that crucial part. Otherwise he would have friend-zoned you by now.
If the compulsory precondition (ie, we should be in a full fledged relationship only then can we have sex) is
not the case for you at this point of time in your life (note: let's not take any judgemental stance here, ok? We're all in that state every now and then, even during a long term relationship), then that's
new information that you'll have to convey to him.. he
does not have the telepathy to pick it up. (Because he thinks highly of you, because he respects you, and there is a prevailing social stigma around this, he hasn't considered this possibility yet. Not that's it's a bad thing, just that it hasn't been considered. Comprende?).
So the next time you want to turn down your X-guy friend who's been through hell and finally risked the friendship to ask you out, rather than reverting to the (dreaded!) "can we just be friends" response, as part of this experiment, please
modify your response to :
"I'm just not ready for a full fledged relationship at this point in my life. But I AM open to something just physical, if you promise complete secrecy! If you can promise to keep things just physical, not make things awkward and we remain friends, then how about it?"
Look at the flip side, from the X guy's perspective. He sees you turn his proposal down, without considering even one date where he could show you his romantic and mysterious side, and lock you forever into the friend zone. And then he sees you go sleep with a person who shouldn't have even been on your radar. And he realizes (after you're done) that you were not serious about him, you were just fulfilling your physical intimacy needs. But you did so by taking on a whole lot of risks upon yourself by banging a total stranger, like possibly getting infected with an STD, potential harassment in future, abuse, social defamation, whatever. And drastically lowered your standards too, which otherwise had been ostensibly sky-high when the X guy was asking you out. So the obvious question that arises in any sane man's mind is, "If she only wanted sex, then why didn't she just do it with me? She knew I'm attracted to her, and I wouldn't ever hurt her or harass her, I'm right here God dammit!"
Ladies, X guys convert to Y guys after they see enough instances of this, and something dies inside them and they conclude that this is just how all women are.
3. There has to be some mystery, unknown, darkness, thrill..
Valid. I'll admit, this is the most difficult one for me to tackle. But let's challenge the underlying assumption here : who says X guys are devoid of mystery / thrill? You probably only know some aspects of the man you think you know already. You do not need to physically put yourself at risk just to feel risky.. it's in the mind, and can be stimulated as per need. You can meet a person you know like a stranger, no need to actually get with a complete stranger. If he cares for others and has the balls to stand up for others then is that not thrilling or dangerous? And where is the thrill in not having ethical standards and being a coward? Any idiot can do that. Plus, have you even bothered looking around at all the negative outcomes, at the faces of the women who ended up with a seriously bad apple? Have you ever asked them if in hindsight did they think it was worth it, or would they have enjoyed life a lot more with a slightly different way of wanting mystery? Hence the impossible mission proposed : it's an experiment; a totally new thing, we have no idea how things might turn out, we're totally stepping into the unknown. Women who have gotten the choice, have been banging the same kinds of Y guys (with seriously the exact same moves, same lines, same strategies) since over a generation now. It might have been novel at some point but by now this is all old stuff. Go on, try something new for a change!
4: "I have had it with relationships and would rather be single from now on":
Not to be impolite.. oh heck, let me be impolite : I'm sorry dear, but..
1. if you chose to get screwed over by an assortment of Y guys,
2. all the time never bothering to give any X guy a real chance because of not feeling "drawn" enough towards any of them,
3. while not learning anything from the fact that you've been getting "drawn" to only the wrong people so far,
4. and without considering there might be some faulty programming at your end possibly owing to a lifetime exposure to totally misleading concepts of romance, values, my-love-will-transform-him traps etc,
5. and then if you give up on the wonder and potential of having a life partner entirely,
6. then you're only fooling yourself.
7. Because you tested the fakes and based on that experience, gave up on the originals without really trying them. (yes yes I'll finally get judgemental about X and Y now, Let's call one real and the other fake. Finally.)
It's like trying out a ridiculously priced nicely packaged organic product at a supermarket like Reliance Fresh or Dorabjee's, then finding out that it's actually not organic, and based on that experience, declaring that there's no such thing. The real genuine organic products might not even come in attractive packaging, and might not even be on your supermarket's shelves because of the inherent market mechanisms at play. It might take some time and effort to find them. And the crucial factors here too will be trust and reliability, long term knowledge, reviews by others you trust; not how attractive it looks or if its being pushed onto you with aggressive advertising that targets stimulating your subconscious (ooh I'm loving this analogy) and is giving you unrealistic promises. And even there, the searching isn't easy.. there's a chance that still things won't work out. And then you have to learn from that experience and try again. But for God's sake don't go around claiming that you've tried it all : there's a good chance you haven't.
So, this can actually work to an advantage : If you've resolved to be single but aren't so sure about celibacy, then how about this : have one night stands and casual relationships with X guys! You've resolved that you don't want anything long term, right? So communicate that properly but by all means please proceed with the experiment!
Besides, the "I want to be single" phase is just that : a phase, possibly co-inciding with a big change/leap in career or location that you might want to focus on at the time. We've all been through that, and I feel even when in long-running relationships people need these times. But please go ahead and ask your nearest X guy or other female friends if that phase lasts forever. Even being extremely happy with the work you're doing and how your life is going, will at one point lead you to want to share that happiness with someone special. That's just the way we are, and it's a wonderful thing.
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So ladies, for the good of all, or even just as an Experiment, please leave those fetishes and those awkward feelings behind. You’ll get over it, and if things go well, you might end up with something amazing in your life: a perfect blend of best friend and romantic partner. So go thee forth and have sex with all the X guys you can find, and let’s create a really strong incentive for having more X guys in this world!
